I had offered to be completely useless
on the West Coast leg of the Skeptix/
Neon Maniacs tour and of course they
accepted.Well not entirely true as I
had offered to drive but ended up being
completely useless,which is one of my
greatest talents,taking up space.
It should be pointed out what troupers
Guitarist Fish,Drummer Chig,and especially vocalist,and
Barney Rubble look-alike,Snotty(who did
the whole tour,just like
their last one,with a metal pole in his
leg)are for coming over.They definitely are
not in it for the money,as they could have
made way more money staying home.Also along
for the tour was their buddy Oliver to
dotheskeptix merch for the Skeps.Since bassist
Usher could not make it here to tour,Gnat
of the Neon Maniacs would be handling bass
duties for both bands.Driving both bands
around for the US tour would be Davey
Tiltwheel,the world's most entertaining van
driver.Tour kicked off at the Allen Theatre
in South Gate,a mostly Latino 'burb of Los
Angeles.The Allen is a large old theater
with ample seating as well as a sizable
standing/dance area up front and the staff
were fairly friendly(and the security did
not appear to be heavy handed).The
Neon Maniacs were up and for those not in the
know this is a newer band with the aforementioned
vocalist/bassist Gnat (Puke N Vomit Records),
as well as guitarist Anthony,and drummer Candice.
The Maniacs played a tight set of '77 UK meets
'80 Southern California punk;energetic,solid,
and catchy.The Skeps went off with a great big
bang for the first set of their tour and the
crowd there to see them did not want them to leave
the stage.After the show Davey drove the van to
the central California San Juaquin farm valley city of
Bakersfeild for some supposed rest.We tried to pull off
getting one room for all of us but what small hotel
manager isn't wise to this one by now.Fish,Davey,Gnat,
and myself shared a room.Since the Neon Maniacs shared
a cold that they were just getting over Gnat hit the
sack early.Armed with three bottles of "Two Buck Chuck"
(red wine) and a bunch of beers the conversation
between Davey and Fish went something to the effect of
"ok if we go to sleep at (fill in the blank),we can
get (fill in the blank) hours sleep" for the rest of the
night into the morning.With an inquisitive expression on
his face Fish asked me
who stained the hotel towel with wine and after I pointed
to his equally stained shirt the great riddle was solved.Davey went
to take a shower and I heard a loud crashing sound.He
had fallen asleep standing up.
Next up,Oakland California.We arrive at the Slaughterhouse
in Oakland and are greeted by the guy running it,John The Baker,
who tells us that everyone must be inside the club by 9:00 pm
and that nobody leaves the club until after the show has ended.
When I heard that I thought what's up with these silly rules,
this guy must be some sort of knob.It turned out to be one of the
coolest punk clubs I had ever been to and by the end of the show
it made total sense why John ran things this way.The Slaughterhouse
was a warehouse with a maze of hallways where both older and younger
punks intermingled,and unlike most shows in Los Angeles there were
lots of women present.The energy level in this club was totally charged
and when the bands played the crowd went nuts.Oppressed Logic blasted
out a tough set to follow but the Maniacs and Skeptix pulled off
great sopping with sweat sets as well.A few minor fights broke out
in the club but were ended quickly and were all part of the fun
and chaos.Unfortunately this was to be the last night of the club
as John The Baker had been fighting (and avoiding) city officials
to keep the club running.At the end of the show John generously paid
the Skeps/Maniacs far more than they had expected.In speaking with
John after the show he told me about the vegan treats he bakes using
no "honey made from the forced labor of enslaved bees".I stared
at
John with this you cannot be serious look on my face and soon a devilish
grin appeared on his face.What an awesome guy,i had been out smartassed.
(Check out his band John and The Malnurished,nasty modern gutter squat
tunes with cool lyrics.)After the show it was directly back in the van
for the long haul to Las Vegas.With a thunder storm looming overhead,
Vegas was hot and humid when we arrived in the late morning/early
afternoon.As the lighting bolts flashed I wondered if it was the
best idea to be standing anywhere near Snotty's leg.Inside the
hotel the Skeps went to have a word with one of the guests who
had hit his wife in front of their kids and Oliver offered to punch
one of guy's friends who started objecting loudly to our visit.
After taking a snooze we got out too late to take part in glutanous
unending bounty of Vegas known as the buffet.Bastard!Instead Fish ended
up attempting to maneuver his mouth around a gigantic disgusting hotdog
that only could be described as something that was cut off
an aroused donkey.Four bites later and Fish was a beaten man as the
awful encased meat had shown him who was boss.We left Gnat in the
casino to lose his life savings and eventually made our way back
to the room where I had a drum stick fight with Davey,who used the
curious offensive technique of turning his back and charging me buttocks
first.At 3 am Davey wakes Fish up and
drags him back to the casino.Next day it was another long drive to
Phoenix.All vehicles are now stopped before crossing Hoover Dam
due to government worries of terrorist sabotage.As Davey passed
through the check point he honked his horn twice to attract the
attention of two officers chatting by the road.The officers looked
up at the van's tinted window unsure of why the man behind the wheel
giving them the bird had tooted.Slick Davey,a one man laugh riot.
(Davey's idea of "skating the pool"basically involves a tipsy
Davey
and friends rolling into a full swimming pool on their skateboards.)
Phoenix gig was in a cool bar called the Big Fish,where the staff
were very cool.Davey and I went out to grab some vegan grub at a
restaurant called Vege Fun and upon arriving back in the club's lot some
mohawk guy starts beating on the side of Davey's van.Davey opened up his
door into the side of mohawk man's head,followed by an "oops sorry
pal,didnt notice you there,are you ok ?"(Later that night workers at
the
club would go off looking for hawk man for breaking one of the worker's
car windshields.)Some screamo mosh metal band from the East Coast
played before the Maniacs but this was obviously not their
audience.Both the Maniacs and Skeptix played to an enthusiastic audience
and I was able to catch part of the Skeps set on video tape.Back to
the van and another long drive back to Southern California.Hello
smog.After some sack time at Gnat's pad
and lunch at Gnat's record shop,it was off to drive one mile per hour
down the 91 freeway to Corona for their final West Coast date at the
Showcase Theatre.The Showcase is a great venue.No over zealous bouncers,
great sound,great lighting,and an honest helpful staff.Its not a hole in
the wall diy space,but it is still very cool and a good place for
touring bands that need to have a paid show at a club that will still be
there once they arrive.The first band went on but with time getting
tight and plane flights scheduled for different people out of different
cities early the next day I bid the bands farewell as Davey drove me
back to my place an hour away before Davey went back to the Showcase and
what I hear was one of the better shows of the tour.Thee End.