Fish arrived 30 mins late apologetic and pissed off about the fact that whilst he should have been chillin with his wife before a 17 day break, he was fukkin around on the web site changing the tour dates, as that night an update had come through.
So bollickings over off the guys set, that is CHIG, SNOTTY, FISH and our new merch guy and total top man OLIVER, so wheres the wet wank geordie USH?? well story has it that he had to do the family thing with his lovely wife and spend 3 weeks painting a council house in Turkey (amidst riots and terrorism and the odd drunken brawl)
So this years fun and antics started at 6.00 Friday morning, the agreed meeting place was outside Snottys house between 7.00 and 7.30, Snotty had arranged a lift for the comrades via a Stoke on Trent taxi firm, called Bastardos Cabs, El Bastardos was the capitan
(11.50 to 1.30)
After snotty managed to create a full scale security alert with the metal
bar carefully grafted to his upper thigh, we all managed to board the Continental
airlines plane
flew 6.5 hours, did the usual stuff that you would hit your children for doing,
a harmless tissure aimed for Ol hit the lady passenger next to him quite startled
her for sure, chig and fish simutaniously faked sleep whilst her beady eyes
stopped on Snotteth.......ah the culpret..he he twas Fish i sweareth to thee
oh wrinkled old hag,
(the story may just go a tad Shakespearean at times, solely for the purpose
of any crazy yanks who may be reading this and dont understand the queen's
dialect)
So we land at Newark after being detoured out of our way to refuel as Newark was experiencing severe storms, or so the nancy lad pilot told us, after sitting at some crazy RAF base (or the yank equivelent) for what seemed an eon.
(1.30 - 5.30 PM)
Getting through immigration was a bit of a blur, vaguely remember some young, not unnattractive, immigration agent quizzing us about why are we in the USA and were we part of a terrorist organisation or commies?? Have we ever or are we about to try to overthrow the government of the USA??!!! why the fuck do we have to be subject to your for authourtarian bullshit just to play a few shows and lose a shit load of money??? The lady didn't even smile when Ol asked her for her phone number and a nosh.......(at this point it has to be known that Oliver..Ol is a lady slayer, he is charm personified, a good looking guy with everything a gurl would ever want from a Limey.er unless you have a red hot butt plug installed in yer ass and wear a facist uniform and scowl indiscriminatly at everyone trying to gain access to her country)
After all the agitation and detourness and stuff that we
had endured, the next job was to pick up all our shite and dump it off at
the check in point to LAX, we were in a severe rush as our connecting flight
had already left, but us being optimists we still had the belief that we would
make the connection.............
True to our beliefs, the storm had grounded our connection too, so we rushed
(of cause we left Snotty behind, we didn't want to miss the flight, he, again,
had managed to create a full scale security alert with the metal bar carefully
grafted to his upper thigh, ) to the departure gate only to be told, you missed
it!! not to be bullshitted, Fish and Ol squared up to the puny (good job he
was puny else we'd have just believed him, even though the plane was still
at the gate) "That there plane, sitting there, man, is our plane and
it aint gone its still fukkin there and we got fukkin tickets so open the
fukkin doors and let us fukkin on, its not our fault that you had us sitting
on some crazy army base whilst this summer shower caused havac at your airport!!!!"
ranted the two....................it worked within minutes they re-opened
the doors and let the comrades board...............(i'll bet those fukkas
were just playing with our heads and were gonna let us on anyhow) so we now
sat on board our flight out to LAX for a further 2 hours,at the gate, whilst
the pilot had the runway dried off with a freakin hairdryer............Continental
pansy pilot,
(5.30 - 12.30)
eventually the plane took off and we slept fitfully until LAX there was a slight disturbance on the flight, but it was only Chig and Snotty being asked to move from their seats as they belonged to someone else........totally forgetting that the airline had resold our fukkin seats cheap, and some random twats were enjoying our view of the wings.
(12.30 4.30)
As we came in to land at LAX, Fish's view from the window was a street closed off and police holding a siege guns awaving........Welcome to Los Angeles!!
We left the plane ASAP and went to collect our luggage, we waited and waited and waited, it didnt come, so we went to complain...........then it arrived on a different flight.......hmmmm all except one bag, the expensive one with about a grands worth of electrical shite in it, after complaining one more time we were informed that it was still on the carousel in Newark it had rotated 5,900 times before airport security decided it had better be exploded. At which point continental lost baggage did the decent thing.
Awaiting at the airport was Anthony Maniac, Candace Maniac,
Jamie and Kim,
we were taken to Vince's place where a small gathering of extremely nice but
crazy Americans were doin some fun and stuff, they made us feel really welcome
and all the shite from the last 24.5 hours of travelling
was soon forgotten.
Kim showed us her projectile vomitting and then drove us to Gnats place where we retired for the night, Anthony (who is now our brother) stayed and made sure we were comfotable but wide awake due to his armegeddonish like snoring noises.